He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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