bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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