Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
