Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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