She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
