he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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