Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
