You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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