i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
