put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let's get the cat blown out
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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