.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize