Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
