In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
