Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
