Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
