We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
