eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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