i permit you to call me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize