I'm so fucking centered right now
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
