Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
