Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize