everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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