We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
