either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
