i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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