I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
