I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
