mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
