Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
