Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
