She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
