My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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