Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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