You're my little dorito
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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