Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
