you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
