I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
