So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
