dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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