So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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