She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
This house was built for laser tag.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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