As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
