probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
