Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
