I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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