can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
