I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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