How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
