I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
