I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
