sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Randomize
