Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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