dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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