Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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