did you get engaged???
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
