after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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