If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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