the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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