Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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