The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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