If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
