I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
