I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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